Grateful To Forgive: Letting Go Of Trauma, Injustice, and Pain With Gratitude
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to the pain, I love you . . There is no law that says I must receive my traumas as consistent tugs on my heart strings, burdens I must never put down, or pain that I am cursed with for eternity. In order for me to practice self-love thoroughly, I knew years ago, that I must learn to love even the parts that cause me the most mental deprivation, + agony . . —to those who made fun of me as a little girl when nobody showed up for “bring your parents to school day”—I love you —to the foster mom who would hit me for nothing, I love you —to the ex’s that have cheated, abused, abandoned, I love you —to the girl that made fun of me every single day for my uni-brow(whose laughing now?), I love you . . —to my mother, i spent most of my life trying to make you love me. Your abuses are countless, however now, not only do i love you, I forgive you —to my father, I do not know you, + never will; however yet still, I love you —to the tumor that decided to grow on my left ovary years ago, i really hated you—but now, i love you —to the girl that checked me out at the grocery store, and then told everyone at school that I was on food stamps in an effort to hurt my feelings, I love you girl —to the parents who wouldn’t let me sleep over because my mom was a “junkie”, much love to you . . —to the men in the workplace who told me to “sit still, + look pretty”I shudder to say this, but I even love you assholes —to those who “unfollow” sorry to see you go, but take some of my love with you —to those that told me I was “too much, too intense, too weak, too loud” your unsolicited opinions are too boring—I love you . . The list can be as long or as short as I desire. But what I know for certain is that I GET TO CONTROL HOW I FEEL about what has happened to me, or what I have been through. Pain + shame, you assholes don’t get to win anymore. Why? BECAUSE I SAY SO! I love each and every last bit of my sorrow, + suffering because I am here today thriving because of all of the bullshit you put me through . . I get to choose. I get to keep going. Cheers to switching how you choose to receive the pains of the past, present, + future. It’s all part of the self-love journey . . I love you—❤️
Yesterday, I saw this incredible post by Sophia Roe, a Chef, model, and food&feelings advocate, that shocked my core. It was a daring way to face painful experiences. To tell each painful action or form of injustice: I love you. To tell our parents, teachers, friends, leaders: I forgive you.
Who is it that betrayed you, lied on you, and hurt you that you need to forgive? Who is it that hurt you so bad that your heart is begging to be released from captivity?
This sparked as I was in a car accident on Friday night. I felt so much agony and frustration because God had just given me this car maybe 2 weeks ago. Seriously, it was an actual miracle (will share that story later). But for me to be in an accident after just receiving a huge gift felt like it was all a joke. I was extremely upset and felt like I can never just have one week of pure peace. Thankfully, I called my friend came and another came to comfort me but after reading Sophia’s post it hit me. God was testing me in two areas:
MY HEART POSTURE: Is my heart in the car or is it in Him? Is my heart in how I look (the car looks terrible) or is it in the blessing that it still drives? Is my faith in His mercy that no one was hurt or in the inconvenience of the situation?
SURRENDER MY LIFE: Will you finally give me your whole life? Will you give me the pain of your past? Will you forgive them so I can forgive you? Will you bless those who curse you so that I can bless you? Will you prioritize me over the opinions of others?
How To Let Go With Gratitude
Sophia was essentially saying, “Thank you, pain. Thank you, injustice. Thank you, trauma. But I AM IN CONTROL of how I feel.” You can release the toxic pain out of your life by giving thanks to that situation. Notice how Sophia identifies the instance and gives thanks. She gives gratitude for it because she is releasing any strongholds that it has over her heart and mind.
You don’t have to automatically see the good in it, especially if the wound is fresh. But you can rest assured that God knows what is happening to you. He sees the injustice, lies, being misunderstood, betrayed, etc. But God! Rest assured in GOD and not this temporary world. People will be for you one day and against you in 5 minutes. If you don’t have confidence in yourself then rest assured in Him.
In order to heal, you have to surrender that pain to God. If you need to block or delete people then do it. If you need to solely spend time with your closets friends then so be it. Be lead by the Holy Spirit and not just what you feel. People won’t understand you but YOU know what is best for you in your spirit. You can’t be a slave to the opinions of others. You have to believe what God says about you.